Ask why—twice.
As parents, we often find ourselves in the middle of our children's emotional ups and downs. When they face challenges, whether big or small, it’s essential to guide them through these tough moments. One powerful way to help them is by encouraging them to ask “why”—twice. This simple technique can help deepen their understanding of their feelings and promote emotional resilience.
When your child comes to you upset or confused, instead of immediately jumping in to solve the problem or offer a quick fix, gently prompt them to explore their emotions. Start by asking, “Why do you feel this way?” This first question encourages them to articulate their feelings. For instance, if your child is frustrated about a bad grade, they might respond, “I studied a lot, but I still didn’t do well.” This response opens the door to a deeper conversation about their study habits, test anxiety, or understanding of the material.
Once they’ve shared their initial thoughts, encourage them to dig even deeper by asking, “Why do you think that is?” This second round of questioning allows them to reflect on the root causes of their feelings. In our previous example, your child may realize, “Maybe I didn’t study the right things, or I was too nervous during the test.” This deeper exploration can lead to valuable insights and help them recognize what they can change or improve in the future.
By asking “why” twice, children learn to navigate their emotions rather than simply react to them. They develop critical thinking skills that empower them to analyze situations and identify solutions. This practice also fosters emotional intelligence, teaching them that it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or anxious, and that they can take steps to understand and address those feelings.
To further support this process, here are a few phrases you can use as conversation starters when your child is struggling:
- “I see that you’re feeling upset. Can you tell me why?”
- “What do you think is making you feel this way?”
- “Let’s think about this together. Why do you think that happened?”
- “It’s okay to feel how you do. Why do you think you feel that way?”
- “What can we do to make this better? Why do you think that might help?”
As your child becomes comfortable with this practice, they can start applying it independently. Encourage them to keep a journal where they can write down their feelings and ask themselves “why” as a way to process emotions. This technique not only helps them during tough times but also builds a lifelong skill of self-reflection and emotional regulation.
Remember that the goal isn’t to eliminate their discomfort but to help them understand it. Life will always present challenges, and learning to navigate them is a crucial part of growing up. By fostering an environment where asking questions is encouraged, you’re equipping your child with the tools they need to face difficulties head-on.
Ultimately, asking “why” twice is about empowering your child to be curious about their emotions and experiences. It teaches them that it’s okay to not have all the answers right away and that understanding takes time and exploration. As they grow, these conversations will not only strengthen your bond but also nurture their ability to handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.